Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Thinking
So, Rewriting Writng. I lost this whole thing and decided to take a day before I rewrote.
I missed a week here and I had time to think. I needed some time to think, I think.
I thought about the family I called fiends. I was thinking that they did what they did out of cowardice rather than malice. I believe that you have to have courage in order to act with malice. They are those people who are lazy and selfish abot EVERYTHING. And they are translating that message to their children. He is a bully and a punk. She is a bitch and fucking lazy as hell. cowards and fools I am beyond them.
I was thinking about Friends, or the punk ass bitch nigga I used to call friend. I always knew he was a punk ass though, so.... I remember when he used to kick people out of his car on the side of the road, anywhere, just for "mking him angry". Like he's the fucking hulk or something.
"Arrrgh! Don't make me angry, or I'll put you out." Punk ass never even attempted to put me out. He said it was because I was always cool, I think it was because he was/is a coward. I know for a fact he used to get his wife fucked up, they are both alcoholics, so that he could fuck around on her. And this would happen right in her house, right in her face. I wouldn't be at all suprised if it still does. I think we were friends out of habit more than anything. He has this reputation as a philanthropist, and a benvolent, and kind friend. But it's not true. The man as much admited that he kept some people around for their entertainment value. He has said to me before that he invites women from his job to his parties hoping to get somebody laid. I know for a fact that is you don't fit in to his idea of what's right and wrong you become an outcast. Oh, you can speak your mind, but as soon as you say something no one likes, like:
"Jesus is a fictional character similar to Santa Claus, or the Tooth Fairy." All fucking hell breaks loose. Or when you stand up to a cop that had no business in your business in the first place, you are a maniac and a subversive individual. Well here is that I think his problem is: While on the one hand he will sit and place a front as a good person, her is in all honesty more like a Baccus or Dionysus. He is fat and breathes like a bull, he drinks too much, eats too much and lechery is his watch word. Debauched and depraved, he hides his true nature under the thin veil of suburban respectability. He's a punk and a coward and I wish he would have the balls to face me but he won't.
I was thinking about my ex-wife. I was thinking that she doesn't think I understand what she is going through. Hell, if the ecomomy is rough for us with 5 mouths to feed, it must be killing her to live in her parents house with one, bright and self sufficient 5 year old. It's got to be hard to drive to Abeline every Saturday to hang out with a man who only weeks ago sent you home in tears. She doesen't understand that I KNOW I only have a small portion of the divorce papers. I am with a woman who is also getting a divorce and I see it all. I get one small packet...where's the rest I ask you? Oh, I don't ask because one; I really don't give a fuck about what she claims from that storage building, Two; anything she does to me out of spite will be harder on out daughter than on me, and I really don't think she's that vindictive. Lost, lonely, foolish, but not vindictive. I think, as I whip up super meals around here, and care for the house and kids, that I used to do all this and more for her. For her I've worked fourteen hour a day jobs, drove busted abd broken down old petrerbuilts' around this state and beyond, I deliverd papers at all hours of the day, I cared for her needs, I went to the laundrymat when we had no way of doing it at home, I cooked and cleaned and never asked her to do it. I took care of everything while she was away so that all she had to do was spend time with our child when she got home. But she used to push our baby aside, worrying about our relationship, when all I wanted to do was get some work done. And in the midst of all this I still managed to put out a whole CD by my self with mediocre equipment. I worked hard on it, while she will tell you I gave up, it wasn't before I put in every effort.
I think she walks around in this perpetual state of panic, as if everything is slipping through her hands right now, and if she doesn't do something she will loose it all. The truth is, she had a great career in the makings, she has people that love and care for her, including my dubmb ass, she has life and all the happiness in the world, if she would just fucking relax. Relax lady.
I was thinking about my kids. Amara, my lovely little girl. She turned five recently and she is as tall and as strong and as smart and brave as any 7 year old boy. She is the light of my life. The joy in my every day and I miss her when she is not here. I hope, and this can change even though I mentioned it last summer, that she will get to spend the summer with us next year. I want to have more than a week, or a few days, to live with my baby again, do the things we used to do together she and I. I was thinking about my son, Dante. He was 8 months old the last time I saw my son. I hope he is well, and happy and strong and bright. I can only hope, he was living in the house that moron built last I heard. Do I regret cursing his mother? Hell, no. She is the cunt bitch that took him away from me, I DO, hope she dies in some fucked up, "you can stop, drop, and roll, bitch roll; but you can't put the fire out," kinda way. Dante will be 3 on October 14, and I will miss it again. I miss him every day. My only son, and I may never know him. Me, who wants a son.
I was thinking about the work I do. Just because I don't have a "job" people seem to think that I don't work. I know for a fact that in a day I do more work than any two of those "get off at five" mutha fuckas. I do know that my work is becoming more focused. I am not just writing at random anymore, I am not just writing about religion and philosophy, I am developing a new sence of the world and how to live in it. I may not be popular, or liked, or in your face every day, but I didn't end up with a public voice because all I do is play games all day. I'm working and I forsee a future where the Kimble Viewoint is a respected voice. I haven't stopped making music, taking pictures or developing my art. I won't stop writing or expressing my views. People are listening.
I was thinking about my life today. It's a happy life, one with little strife and turmoil. That shit comes from outside. I used to be an angry man, and some of you still piss me off, but I have never been selfish, or stupid. I have a woman now that belives in me and won't push me into being someone I'm not. I may not be your average guy, with an average life, but I am a happy loved man. Who wants to be average anyway? I love my life today and I wouldn't change it for anything. Want to know that I think?
I think that if you are not living the life you want to live, then you should get out and get a new one. I think that if you are not happy you should change it, today not tomorrow. I think that if you have an opprotunity to do something for those you claim to love you should do it. Even if it's cleaning the kitchen so she won't have to. Or, giving him a day to play, without you in the way. Or, talking to your kids instead of yelling at them. Take interest in your life.
I missed a week here and I had time to think. I needed some time to think, I think.
I thought about the family I called fiends. I was thinking that they did what they did out of cowardice rather than malice. I believe that you have to have courage in order to act with malice. They are those people who are lazy and selfish abot EVERYTHING. And they are translating that message to their children. He is a bully and a punk. She is a bitch and fucking lazy as hell. cowards and fools I am beyond them.
I was thinking about Friends, or the punk ass bitch nigga I used to call friend. I always knew he was a punk ass though, so.... I remember when he used to kick people out of his car on the side of the road, anywhere, just for "mking him angry". Like he's the fucking hulk or something.
"Arrrgh! Don't make me angry, or I'll put you out." Punk ass never even attempted to put me out. He said it was because I was always cool, I think it was because he was/is a coward. I know for a fact he used to get his wife fucked up, they are both alcoholics, so that he could fuck around on her. And this would happen right in her house, right in her face. I wouldn't be at all suprised if it still does. I think we were friends out of habit more than anything. He has this reputation as a philanthropist, and a benvolent, and kind friend. But it's not true. The man as much admited that he kept some people around for their entertainment value. He has said to me before that he invites women from his job to his parties hoping to get somebody laid. I know for a fact that is you don't fit in to his idea of what's right and wrong you become an outcast. Oh, you can speak your mind, but as soon as you say something no one likes, like:
"Jesus is a fictional character similar to Santa Claus, or the Tooth Fairy." All fucking hell breaks loose. Or when you stand up to a cop that had no business in your business in the first place, you are a maniac and a subversive individual. Well here is that I think his problem is: While on the one hand he will sit and place a front as a good person, her is in all honesty more like a Baccus or Dionysus. He is fat and breathes like a bull, he drinks too much, eats too much and lechery is his watch word. Debauched and depraved, he hides his true nature under the thin veil of suburban respectability. He's a punk and a coward and I wish he would have the balls to face me but he won't.
I was thinking about my ex-wife. I was thinking that she doesn't think I understand what she is going through. Hell, if the ecomomy is rough for us with 5 mouths to feed, it must be killing her to live in her parents house with one, bright and self sufficient 5 year old. It's got to be hard to drive to Abeline every Saturday to hang out with a man who only weeks ago sent you home in tears. She doesen't understand that I KNOW I only have a small portion of the divorce papers. I am with a woman who is also getting a divorce and I see it all. I get one small packet...where's the rest I ask you? Oh, I don't ask because one; I really don't give a fuck about what she claims from that storage building, Two; anything she does to me out of spite will be harder on out daughter than on me, and I really don't think she's that vindictive. Lost, lonely, foolish, but not vindictive. I think, as I whip up super meals around here, and care for the house and kids, that I used to do all this and more for her. For her I've worked fourteen hour a day jobs, drove busted abd broken down old petrerbuilts' around this state and beyond, I deliverd papers at all hours of the day, I cared for her needs, I went to the laundrymat when we had no way of doing it at home, I cooked and cleaned and never asked her to do it. I took care of everything while she was away so that all she had to do was spend time with our child when she got home. But she used to push our baby aside, worrying about our relationship, when all I wanted to do was get some work done. And in the midst of all this I still managed to put out a whole CD by my self with mediocre equipment. I worked hard on it, while she will tell you I gave up, it wasn't before I put in every effort.
I think she walks around in this perpetual state of panic, as if everything is slipping through her hands right now, and if she doesn't do something she will loose it all. The truth is, she had a great career in the makings, she has people that love and care for her, including my dubmb ass, she has life and all the happiness in the world, if she would just fucking relax. Relax lady.
I was thinking about my kids. Amara, my lovely little girl. She turned five recently and she is as tall and as strong and as smart and brave as any 7 year old boy. She is the light of my life. The joy in my every day and I miss her when she is not here. I hope, and this can change even though I mentioned it last summer, that she will get to spend the summer with us next year. I want to have more than a week, or a few days, to live with my baby again, do the things we used to do together she and I. I was thinking about my son, Dante. He was 8 months old the last time I saw my son. I hope he is well, and happy and strong and bright. I can only hope, he was living in the house that moron built last I heard. Do I regret cursing his mother? Hell, no. She is the cunt bitch that took him away from me, I DO, hope she dies in some fucked up, "you can stop, drop, and roll, bitch roll; but you can't put the fire out," kinda way. Dante will be 3 on October 14, and I will miss it again. I miss him every day. My only son, and I may never know him. Me, who wants a son.
I was thinking about the work I do. Just because I don't have a "job" people seem to think that I don't work. I know for a fact that in a day I do more work than any two of those "get off at five" mutha fuckas. I do know that my work is becoming more focused. I am not just writing at random anymore, I am not just writing about religion and philosophy, I am developing a new sence of the world and how to live in it. I may not be popular, or liked, or in your face every day, but I didn't end up with a public voice because all I do is play games all day. I'm working and I forsee a future where the Kimble Viewoint is a respected voice. I haven't stopped making music, taking pictures or developing my art. I won't stop writing or expressing my views. People are listening.
I was thinking about my life today. It's a happy life, one with little strife and turmoil. That shit comes from outside. I used to be an angry man, and some of you still piss me off, but I have never been selfish, or stupid. I have a woman now that belives in me and won't push me into being someone I'm not. I may not be your average guy, with an average life, but I am a happy loved man. Who wants to be average anyway? I love my life today and I wouldn't change it for anything. Want to know that I think?
I think that if you are not living the life you want to live, then you should get out and get a new one. I think that if you are not happy you should change it, today not tomorrow. I think that if you have an opprotunity to do something for those you claim to love you should do it. Even if it's cleaning the kitchen so she won't have to. Or, giving him a day to play, without you in the way. Or, talking to your kids instead of yelling at them. Take interest in your life.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Love in Sex
So, It's another lovely Saturday. It's pouring rain here in Texas and it has been for days. Rainy days often put people in an amorus state, and here recently amour has been on the agenda around here. Sex with my girlfriend has been great from the beginning. As expected it would, it has been getting better as we get to know one another, but this better is different.
I have been having sex for quite a few years now. Over the years I've become a better lover through a love of practicing the art. I used to say, "When I go in there I am going in to put on a fucking show." Though in many ways that statement holds true, in my older age I think that sex has become more about the person, or people, than the act itself. Factoring in something other than your dick, or pussy, as the case may be, brings into the act more emotion than I'd ever considered before. One can still fuck. I like to fuck, and sometimes we just fuck around here. Fucking is always an option...the possibilities are out there, especially if you love sex like we do. Anyone who is not fucking should find some one, or some ones' lay down some ground rules, compromise, negotiate, beg, and get down to fucking, it will work wonders towards making your days more tolerable. Three cheers for fucking!
Fuck me baby, but fuck me especially if I love you and you love me back. I don't mean puppy love, or lingering lust, I mean love me bitch like you love nothing except your kids, and love me differently from them because I want you to fuck me all over with your love. Love me like that, then come swallow my dick. I mean there is something truly fantastic about fucking someone you love, I know that now like I never have before. My girlfriend and I had a long night of fantastic sex last night. I mean worn out in the wee hours, need to be awake in an hour in a half sex, and I wanted nothing more than to fuck her again this morning when I saw her laying there wrapped in red sheets. Hell she is laying beside me now and I want to stick my dick on her lips, a nipple in my mouth, a great heaping handfull of ass in my hand. It's all because I love her I tell you. Her sexy just turns me on, her swagger is unmatched, her understanding, boldness, passion, confidence, the out right balls of this woman turns me on. Is it because so much about her turns me on that I love her, or do I love her because so much about her turns me on? Does the question even matter?
I love her, and she loves me back, in a crazy way and that love drives the passion like a fucking big block 454. We haven't compromised for eachother, we've contracted one another to an open ended deal. That makes it hard for all of you who wish you were we, and had one or both of the two. You'd have to be a spectacular specimen of a person because we each feel we already have the best thing going. Why bother with you, when I have all I need making me cum on a regular basis. We will remain together as long as we love each other like we do today. We are planning to grow old together, but even if it winds up we don't I can tell you we may fuck until the dust blows away forever.
I have been having sex for quite a few years now. Over the years I've become a better lover through a love of practicing the art. I used to say, "When I go in there I am going in to put on a fucking show." Though in many ways that statement holds true, in my older age I think that sex has become more about the person, or people, than the act itself. Factoring in something other than your dick, or pussy, as the case may be, brings into the act more emotion than I'd ever considered before. One can still fuck. I like to fuck, and sometimes we just fuck around here. Fucking is always an option...the possibilities are out there, especially if you love sex like we do. Anyone who is not fucking should find some one, or some ones' lay down some ground rules, compromise, negotiate, beg, and get down to fucking, it will work wonders towards making your days more tolerable. Three cheers for fucking!
Fuck me baby, but fuck me especially if I love you and you love me back. I don't mean puppy love, or lingering lust, I mean love me bitch like you love nothing except your kids, and love me differently from them because I want you to fuck me all over with your love. Love me like that, then come swallow my dick. I mean there is something truly fantastic about fucking someone you love, I know that now like I never have before. My girlfriend and I had a long night of fantastic sex last night. I mean worn out in the wee hours, need to be awake in an hour in a half sex, and I wanted nothing more than to fuck her again this morning when I saw her laying there wrapped in red sheets. Hell she is laying beside me now and I want to stick my dick on her lips, a nipple in my mouth, a great heaping handfull of ass in my hand. It's all because I love her I tell you. Her sexy just turns me on, her swagger is unmatched, her understanding, boldness, passion, confidence, the out right balls of this woman turns me on. Is it because so much about her turns me on that I love her, or do I love her because so much about her turns me on? Does the question even matter?
I love her, and she loves me back, in a crazy way and that love drives the passion like a fucking big block 454. We haven't compromised for eachother, we've contracted one another to an open ended deal. That makes it hard for all of you who wish you were we, and had one or both of the two. You'd have to be a spectacular specimen of a person because we each feel we already have the best thing going. Why bother with you, when I have all I need making me cum on a regular basis. We will remain together as long as we love each other like we do today. We are planning to grow old together, but even if it winds up we don't I can tell you we may fuck until the dust blows away forever.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
All I wanted to do last night was stay home fucking my girlfriend. I really had no desire to be out amongst people at all. She convinced me, and I went. Driving through the night, almost a little too high, I was thinking to myself how easy it is for me to slip away from people. I know I need to socialize and network more if I want to have a better hope of success. The problem I have is... well, the people.
There is the guy who calls all his friends family, then chooses sides.
There is the lonely woman that can't find herself at all.
There is the mother who decided she was going to keep a mans son from him.
There is the old friend who judges you more harshly than anyone ever has.
There is almost no reason to continue meeting new and ever dissapointing people. The audacity and stupidity is beyond astounding. Like the woman who pretends to be the mother of your child, like it's funny. I often wish I had the lack of moral capacity to just do what ever I want to people. It must be a great tool for chewing your bit of flesh out of life. But I can't, so I continue to meet new people and I continue to be dissapointed. I go out, when i don't want to, but know that I need to. So last night I went out. And it was well worth the trip.
I know that some of my problem has to do with the type, caliber of person I choose to associate myself with. I can be elitist, I believe some people just will never work out. I give them a turn around the wheel anyway. And they fail me. Like the red kneck pretending to be diverse, but only because: "Davin's not like other black people" .
Last night was different. There was this dude there with an underground, artistic style, back pack jamed full of the tools of an artist, CD's and oddities. Quiet but always talking, creative and distracted, he blew in, filled my head with music and memories of being an underground kid, left me some gems, and split.
I had a chance to get to know some people better. He's a hair stylist, she's an actress, they are an eclectic collision of art, and song, and passion wonder for life. I believe they are genuinely good people.
I spent my week as I do many not really thinking of the lessons we find in our lives. I had a few conversations about people over the last week. About forgiveness, and the reasons it shouldn't be given away so simply. About doing the right thing, thinking the right thing and what all that means. About human sexuality, and why we love food. I realize sitting here, that my life is just as full of philosophy, and adventure and excitement as any travel writer.
In my view point you have to see your life as it is and you have to love the life you are living. It's not something you can fake. You can't pretend to be..., when you are clearly not. You can survive it, but if you are living for sirvival, instead of love... you're missing out.
That's the Kimble ViewPoint.
There is the guy who calls all his friends family, then chooses sides.
There is the lonely woman that can't find herself at all.
There is the mother who decided she was going to keep a mans son from him.
There is the old friend who judges you more harshly than anyone ever has.
There is almost no reason to continue meeting new and ever dissapointing people. The audacity and stupidity is beyond astounding. Like the woman who pretends to be the mother of your child, like it's funny. I often wish I had the lack of moral capacity to just do what ever I want to people. It must be a great tool for chewing your bit of flesh out of life. But I can't, so I continue to meet new people and I continue to be dissapointed. I go out, when i don't want to, but know that I need to. So last night I went out. And it was well worth the trip.
I know that some of my problem has to do with the type, caliber of person I choose to associate myself with. I can be elitist, I believe some people just will never work out. I give them a turn around the wheel anyway. And they fail me. Like the red kneck pretending to be diverse, but only because: "Davin's not like other black people" .
Last night was different. There was this dude there with an underground, artistic style, back pack jamed full of the tools of an artist, CD's and oddities. Quiet but always talking, creative and distracted, he blew in, filled my head with music and memories of being an underground kid, left me some gems, and split.
I had a chance to get to know some people better. He's a hair stylist, she's an actress, they are an eclectic collision of art, and song, and passion wonder for life. I believe they are genuinely good people.
I spent my week as I do many not really thinking of the lessons we find in our lives. I had a few conversations about people over the last week. About forgiveness, and the reasons it shouldn't be given away so simply. About doing the right thing, thinking the right thing and what all that means. About human sexuality, and why we love food. I realize sitting here, that my life is just as full of philosophy, and adventure and excitement as any travel writer.
In my view point you have to see your life as it is and you have to love the life you are living. It's not something you can fake. You can't pretend to be..., when you are clearly not. You can survive it, but if you are living for sirvival, instead of love... you're missing out.
That's the Kimble ViewPoint.
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