Carpe Diem!

Hard to hold sometimes.

This year has been a rough one for me. I've had to weather a few storms and I've had to suffer a few set backs but looking back over the whole thing in these remaining days I have no choice but to admit that it wasn't all that bad.

Back in the later months of 2008 I lost my job. Honestly I got fed up with the sales man bullshit and I walked. At the time I thought, "I've always been able to find a job, it won't be a huge deal to get something else". At the time I had no real concept for the economy and what effect it was going to have on me. I was simply optimistic about the future. I suppose I always am. I grumble and grouch my way through but I never stopped trying. During my extended unemployment I took the time to refine my writing. I dabbled in radio and was interviewed for a TV spot. I snagged a gig I am very happy with at Open Heart Publishing. And in the last few days I found a full time job writing web copy. I didn't make much money and it strained more than my wallet but the work I did put in, the lessons I learned have all made me a stronger better focused man.

Maybe the gloves came off now and then.

Being broke sucks on its own. When you add the social necessity all people posses being broke creates no end to questions, quandaries and crap. I wanted to attend every party and I wanted to bring gifts to every birthday, wedding, and holiday gift exchange but I simply couldn't. I died a little every time I saw a bill I couldn't pitch in on and it bothered me. No matter how hard I worked, or where I was living I felt useless. I am aware that the tension I built within myself over my guilt may have compounded, if not caused, the rough patches in almost all of my relationships. Everyone is short on cash flow and just as revved, just as ready to fight as I was and sometimes we let the fists fly. I argued with some folks this year I would rather not have and I hope that by now we have all worked through these misunderstandings and are moving towards stronger bonds tomorrow. If I've offended you and have yet to make amends, please forgive me. I am sure you are in my mind and on my heart. (The above only applies to those that deserve my forgiveness. You other punks can eat a dick and choke on it. You know who you are.)

It's been a time of uncertainty and fear. I for one am tired of the dark hole. and I am extremely happy to see some light. All of the hard work I've put in is just beginning to pay off. My Jr. Editors gig has gone a long way towards opening doors for me and I want to thank Debrin Case for helping make that possible. He gave me a chance when NO ONE else was willing. He gave me a platform for showcasing my talent and invaluable guidance in making it great. With that though I have also made in roads with my own work with different publishers around the country. Every project, every blog, every letter for me was an opportunity to be a better writer, and to learn something. I hope I conducted my self well and made you all feel as if you walked away with at least a greater clarity.

But, it's all worked out and it appears that 2011 is going to be much better for me. I've finally found a job and I believe I will be very happy there. There is a degree of challenge to the work and there is infinite room for improvement. I will be going back to school soon. I have a goal of getting my first PhD in only ten years. That means Bachelors by 40. I plan to stay with this job at least that far, if not longer. Many of my relationships are settling into comfortable and lasting familiarity. It's good to sit and get to know one another. I look forward to having opportunity to become better acquainted with the friends I have and to meeting new people along the way.

Some of you are friends of mine and you have been with me through it all. I want you all to know, as we move into a new year, that I truly appreciate your support. I hope your new year holds magnificent things for you all. At the end I want to share what I learned. You have to take every day as a day to do something. find something and do it. Start to finish, succeed or fail you have to try. In this day and age we have a million what if's right at our fingertips. Reach out, grab one and find out what mysteries it holds.